Bad Movies Are Bad, Film at 11 (but don’t watch The Crimes of Grindelwald)

20 Nov

We all knew it was going to be bad, the only questions were how bad and what kind? Reviews have been coming out and the picture isn’t pretty, needless to say, so here’s a link roundup for the time being. I haven’t yet decided whether I’m going to subject myself to this (I may do next week, solely so I can write about it, but I’m not sure), but hopefully this will tide you over for now. Honestly, these reviews remind me of nothing so much as the first leaks of Cursed Child spoilers; it’s just ludicrous.

Emily Asher-Perrin at Tor: The Crimes of The Crimes of Grindelwald (This is the most detailed dive into the wtfery, if you only read one I suggest this one)

Jeremiah at The Fandomentals: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald is a Post-Mortem for J.K. Rowling

Ani Bundel at NBC (yes, NBC): Harry Potter Franchise’s new Fantastic Beasts sequel should not have been written by J.K. Rowling

Gavia Baker-Whitelaw at the Daily Dot: Queerbaiting is Ruining the Fantastic Beasts Franchise

To make a long story short, it sounds like there’s pretty much a bingo here. Character assassination of some of the last remaining likeable characters, pointless unexplained retcons (among other things, how the fuck is Credence alive when the climax of the first film was literally him being killed? I’ve still yet to see an answer to this), needless overdramatic bullshit, plotlines that make no sense, forced cameos and attempts at continuity that somehow just break everything further, casual appropriation without even a good reason… oh, right, and Johnny Depp. Can’t forget about him.

[Links above contain extensive spoilers, obviously. For my part I have nothing to say that hasn’t already been said; it’s more of Rowling’s tiresome refusal to put the franchise out of its misery already. It ruins everything that was decent about the first film, it invalidates the entire point of the first film, and it fucks up every single story arc without even having the grace to do it well on a technical level. There aren’t enough pretty imaginary animals in the world to compensate for this one.]


Posted by on November 20, 2018 in loten, mitchell


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7 responses to “Bad Movies Are Bad, Film at 11 (but don’t watch The Crimes of Grindelwald)

  1. Excessivelyperky

    November 20, 2018 at 5:54 pm

    Rowling couldn’t remember her own timeline while actually writing the books, so it’s no surprise she’s forgotten it.

  2. liminal fruitbat

    November 20, 2018 at 9:14 pm

    This sounds fantastically unwatchable and I hope to all the gods it kills the franchise. It turns out there really are worse things than death.

  3. janach

    November 20, 2018 at 11:44 pm

    “Fantastic Beasts 2” has just arrived at my local cinema, along with “Wreck-in Ralph 2”. Guess which one I plan to go see.

    Hint: As an amateur cartoonist, I have a real weakness for animated films, even when it’s for nothing more than the interesting art.

  4. Dove

    November 21, 2018 at 6:59 am

    *reads the reviews*

    Gosh, it’s sure a shame that there’s no sequel to “Fantastic Beasts”. Alas, we’ll have to fill the gap with fic.

  5. liminal fruitbat

    November 21, 2018 at 1:22 pm

    This tweet seems relevant.

    • mcbender

      November 21, 2018 at 1:46 pm

      That is absolutely perfect.

  6. All-I-need

    November 24, 2018 at 12:28 am

    Wow. I have honestly never wanted to see a film less than this one. I just read the first article and the comment section that comes with it and that was already enough to make me want to stab myself in the eye with a rusty fork.

    This entire thing is a mess. I’ll just refer you all back to my rather long comment in the post about Nagini and if you’re looking for me I’ll be living in the film world I invented there.

    Thanks for the warning about this mess. I might watch it out of the corner of my eye if it’s ever on TV and there’s nothing else on.


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