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Fantastic Beasts, a first look (writing in the dark)

20 Nov

We saw “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them” yesterday. We’ll have a full review for you all later, once we have some time to put it together, but thought it might be fun to give you this first. I attempted (do note: attempted) to take notes while watching, and I took some photos of my notebook, so here’s my initial reactions to some things. Some of it is pretty indecipherable and I’m sorry about that (wrote over myself a few times because I couldn’t see what I was doing), but honestly that’s some of the fun too.

Spoiler warning, although honestly, you probably won’t be spoilt on much without serious effort because this is a cryptic mess. [We’re writing this post the morning after seeing the film and we can’t figure out some of this…]

fantastic-beasts-notes-pg1 fantastic-beasts-notes-pg2 fantastic-beasts-notes-pg3 fantastic-beasts-notes-pg4 fantastic-beasts-notes-pg5 fantastic-beasts-notes-pg6

[Also bonus shot of Mitchell’s fingers!]

I guess I’ll attempt to decipher these for you.

(page 1)

Definitely milking the HP theme music
Lots of news papers – impossible to read
very lax customs inspectors
BAD QUIDDITCH PUNS
IDIOT PLOT
Random Congresswoman? making arrest? This is not how America works
goblins with wands
MADAM PRESIDENT
child song about killing witches – subtle!
memory charm goes up nose?

(page 2)

This film is stupid. But probably an accurate depiction of Potterverse horrors
“freak” reprise in different context
MISOGYNY
(also this is not how legilimency works)
FUCKING PROPHECIES ABOUT CHILDREN
This “romance” IS CREEPY
FAT JOKES ARE NOT FUNNY
venomous eagles?

(page 3)

Okay, the menagerie suitcase thing is cool and visually interesting
Not sure whether I hate bumbling Scamander or his stupid pets more
I wonder if ??? is going to be in on it
WHAT THE FUCK is the President wearing
YOU HAVE MAGIC
Brainwashing people to death ???
THERE IS NO NEED FOR STUPID MELODRAMA EXECUTION METHODS YOU HAVE A KILL CURSE

(page 4)

JEEEWS
MACUSA made to sound like Yakuza
CREEPY CLICHE MIND READING WOMAN I HATE THAT TONE OF VOICE
what is going on with emotional abuser conspiracist cop
I was actually surprised Credence was the host and not creepy witch chant girl

(page 5)

Are we supposed to connect this obscurial thing to canon and Ariana Dumbledore
WTF FORCE LIGHTNING
Accio is not a disarming spell! But I guess that can slide
So the solution is literally to use a monster to erase everyone’s brains. WTF
Triumphant montage of magically repairing NY in rain while everyone forgets

(page 6)

HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS WORK
Oh how convenient, he wants to forget
Consent?

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4 Comments

Posted by on November 20, 2016 in loten, mitchell

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

4 responses to “Fantastic Beasts, a first look (writing in the dark)

  1. socordya

    November 20, 2016 at 9:15 pm

    I can’t believe they played the “muggles persecuted witches” trope straight. Nevermind the inherent problems with that, in this universe wizards can teleport, mind-rape and insta-kill easily! HOW DOES THAT WORK?

     
    • Loten

      November 20, 2016 at 9:38 pm

      Well, in the canon HP series, it doesn’t. Harry actually studies something at one point, shock horror, and his textbook talks about the witch trials accidentally killing a lot of innocent Muggles while the few real witches they actually caught enjoyed the experience of trolling them. This film is not consistent with the attempts at consistency we’ve seen in the past.

       
    • mcbender

      November 20, 2016 at 9:42 pm

      In fairness, I don’t think it was quite that, though they were definitely hinting around it; I think this will all make much more sense once we finish our proper review, to be honest, my notes were an utter mess (but fun to try to work out what was going through my head, I’m not even sure I know).

      Nevertheless, the film does rely heavily on the idea that secrecy is utterly essential and that muggles knowing about magic would lead to disaster. It doesn’t really explain why that would be the case (I suspect because the writers don’t even know).

       

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