Okay, so today I took another look at the new and improved Pottermore site.
I can’t do this any more.
It’s almost impossible to even find new content now unless you happen to search for that specific thing, and it’s all so overwhelmingly shite that… well, take a look at this.
- “Why you should fall in love with a Hufflepuff” – nobody will care about you and you’ll get some peace
- “5 friendship lessons we learned from Dobby” – it’s fine to maim your friends for their own good
- “Rubeus Hagrid’s wit and wisdom” – hahahahahahaha
- “The 5 Death Eaters you’ll never forget” – I barely remember that many anyway
- “Dumbledore’s wisest words” – “fuck you, Slytherin, and fuck everyone who isn’t me, including my worshippers, but mostly just Slytherin”
- “8 adorable Harry and Ginny moments” – what.
- “The 10 scariest Harry Potter villains” – were there even that many?
- “Romance in the classrooms of Hogwarts” – unless it’s fanfic I don’t want to hear it
- “Neville Longbottom: a true Gryffindor” – you take that back, Neville’s far cooler than that
- “5 things we learned from wise Mr Ollivander” – everything you do is purely a byproduct of this random stick
- “7 reasons to love Luna Lovegood” – the narrative shits on her constantly, repeat six more times
As you can see, the site has basically turned into Buzzfeed, only worse. And as such I want no part of it. I’ll check in from time to time and see if they’re specifically naming available new content, and if other places such as deathtocapslock pick up on anything good – or if you guys contact me and let me know there’s something sporkworthy and not just vomitworthy – then I’ll cover it. But this blog will no longer cover every single piece of new content, purely because it’s not possible to keep track of updates any more, and also because my brain probably can’t cope with it.
Of course, the site’s free for everyone now with no registration required, so if you all feel like sobbing over the tattered shreds of a once-beloved fandom, feel free. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.