Presenting the entirety of the final book of the series. I can understand them skipping over so much of this one, honestly, but as you’ll see what they did include is pretty bad.
You’ve noticed activity here has massively dropped. For anyone not stalking my FFN profile for status updates, I’ve started a new job and Mitchell is about to start a new job, which means little in the way of free time and energy. I’ll be continuing the baby silk moth posts when I can, but the HP posts will be delayed for a while, unfortunately.
Pottermore shite! Deathly Hallows is up. In its entirety, as expected.
“The Decoy Harrys.” New content about the Dursleys… this can’t be good. Let’s see. Most of it isn’t even new, it just repeats what we knew before – Petunia was sick of her parents favouring her sister and moved to London, got an office job, met Vernon, loved how safe and normal he was, etc. Naturally this is described as a bad thing she should be villified for. They met Lily and James, James was an absolute ass to Vernon to the point where even Lily was upset, they left. Petunia didn’t want Lily as a bridesmaid for her wedding, oddly enough. They didn’t go to Lily and James’ wedding (can’t imagine why, that must have been such a Muggle-friendly event) and never spoke again except for the note about Harry’s birth, which they didn’t answer. All stuff we’ve heard before, all trying to blame Petunia despite it all being pretty reasonable.
And then this gem: Apparently Vernon hated Harry because he looked like James? They met twice. And didn’t even speak on the second occasion. I honestly think this was put in as another dig at Snape, because there’s absolutely no way that makes sense.
“The Ministry Has Fallen.” No new content. Kingsley’s lynx Patronus wiggles its ears adorably when you mouseover.
“Retrieving the Locket.” The trial/Dementor attack Harry blew his cover to interrupt (which I forgot even happened, the Ministry invasion had a lot of other more relevant scenes…). Oh, creepy, if you mouseover the prisoner she screams.
“Splinched.” Why would anyone care? Ron lost a tiny bit from his shoulder. Big whoop. (We can mouseover his arm and make him bleed… I should probably not enjoy that…) Bonus content about Extension Charms, of all things. The incantation is one of the worst, too – “Capacious Extremis“? Really, Rowling? All Hogwarts trunks come with them as standard, so do tents, but apparently it’s illegal to do them yourself because of the risk of breaking the secrecy act that nobody gives a fuck about. So Hermione’s handbag was illegal, but the pouch Hagrid gave Harry that I don’t think he actually used wasn’t. Sense, this makes none. (And the cars the Ministry use aren’t mentioned.) And of course no explanation of how this spell defies the laws of physics – it expands the interior of whatever you cast it on, doesn’t change the exterior at all, and makes the contents lighter. Because fuck it, it’s magic.
“The Graveyard.” No new info. Not even a shot of the weird concealed statue, just the gravestone.
“The Frozen Pool.” Aw, no silver doe art? Well, fuck you then. (I would have loved to see art of Snape hiding behind a tree, facepalming 😛 but no.) More content, Gryffindor’s sword, which can pretty much be summed up as ‘goblins are evil so it’s okay to be racist about them’. Made a thousand years ago to Godric’s instructions (so that’s why they made a sword out of silver… because some idiot insisted it look pretty. Gotcha) by the goblin king, who was so happy with what he’d made that he pretended Gryffindor had stolen it and sent goblins to get it back (except no, he didn’t, we were told in the book that by goblin custom the sword belonged to him anyway because he made it…). Noble Gryffindor mindraped them and sent them back to make threats, and told the goblin king that if he ever tried to steal from him again he would slaughter the entire goblin race. Because GENOCIDE is a completely reasonable reaction to someone trying to take a shiny thing off you. And he needed a sword in the first place because before the secrecy thing wizards and Muggles mingled freely (lol) and lots of wizards used swords because it was unsportsmanlike to use wands against Muggles (double lol) and naturally Gryffindor was an amazing duellist.
Also, “similar to a wand, part of its magic is that it imbibes that which strengthens it.” Um, what? Since when can wands do that? (And how does a very dead stick ‘imbibe’ anything anyway?) I thought that was a specific goblin enchantment they put on the sword…
Oh, and apparently Snape chucked it in the pond out of spite – so we’re just ignoring the part where Dumbledore specifically told him Harry had to do some sort of trial to earn the sword (never mind that making no sense in the first place), and the part where if Harry wasn’t a TOTAL FUCKING MORON he could have got to the sword in about thirty seconds without nearly throttling himself or catching hypothermia. Nope, just spite. Uh huh. Fucking hell, this update is bad.
“Beedle the Bard.” No new info.
“Dobby to the Rescue.” Because the bloody elf was the most important part of the whole arrest-and-torture thing. No new info.
“Here Lies Dobby.” Good. That’s a fucking creepy corpse though, he looks like a ventriloquist’s dummy. No new info.
“Dragon Flight.” Extra content about alchemy? I’m not going to argue, despite it making zero sense here. Let’s see. Actually nothing new – alchemical instructions can be read as metaphors for spiritual journeys, which I already knew, and she repeats the bullshit about Rubeus and Albus being super-symbolic names for the two halves of Harry’s perfect father figure (gag) because red and white are important in alchemy. Also LOL retcon alert – alchemy is totally a NEWT option at Hogwarts, and Hermione just… didn’t want to do it because… reasons.
“Nagini Attacks.” I actually didn’t want to see Snape’s death scene, damnit. I still have feels. Especially with an animation of the bite complete with squishy noise? Fuck you. At least there was no scream.
“The Resurrection Stone.” No new info. Probably just as well, though I was expecting more incoherent rambling about death and sacrifice. And nothing from the bloody ‘train station’ with Jesus!Dumbles either, luckily.
“Kill the Snake.” Bonus content about hatstalls? They’re being pretty random with the info placement this time. Anyone whose Sorting takes more than five minutes. Hermione and Neville were close. Aw, Neville actually wanted Hufflepuff, he was trying to argue with the hat and it refused to listen to what he wanted. So much for “our choices show who we really are“, eh? Guess only the protagonist gets any kind of agency and ability to consent. McGonagall was a hatstall, she might have gone to Ravenclaw… if you say so. Pettigrew was a LOL RETCON hatstall too, the hat really considered putting him in Slytherin, hahaha fuck off.
Mercifully nothing from the epilogue. Understandable, since it doesn’t exist, but that was a very odd note to end on.
So. More bonus content this time, but none of it made sense and most of it was infuriating. And they still glossed over all the stuff I actually wanted to know about. Meh.
Well, Pottermore is always such a pleasant surprise 😉 I suppose at least we’ll have some easy content to write about for a bit, since everything else is lagging behind right now. I won’t turn up my nose at some conveniently barrelled fish.
To start with that sounds pretty typical, aside from having nothing to do with the title of “the decoy Harrys”… okay then. And yes, this sounds pretty ordinary, not that it’s anything new (nor is Rowling attempting to blame Petunia for holding grudges that are quite reasonable when you consider how she’s been treated).
I’ve no idea where to start with the Vernon thing; it’s just obviously utter nonsense (and I think you might be onto something about it being targeted at Snape, though then it raises the question of whether Rowling is even able to tell her antagonists apart). It also brings to mind a number of disturbing mental images – either James as a grown man looked very like an infant (leading to hilarious/horrific implications such as Snape being terrorised by such a monstrosity while at school, Lily implicitly having paedophilic tendencies… I’ll stop now), or infant Harry looked very like a grown man. And if we’re going to talk about Vernon’s reasons for hating Harry, he could have had plenty of more plausible ones (e.g. a quite reasonable under the circumstances distaste for magic, or resentment at having a second child and all the related hassle and expense foisted on him without his consent, etc) so I’ve no idea why this would be what she went with (except, of course, that she’s an idiot).
Well, screaming prisoners are so pleasant and provide such deep insight into the story we couldn’t otherwise have had, clearly this is an excellent bit of content that was essential to include.
I wonder if the inclusion of content related to Splinching was just so she/they could find a place to fit Ron in somewhere? Goodness knows he did hardly anything in the book itself… Anyway, I’m amused at your enjoying the blood, heh. I don’t even know what to say about the extension charm thing, except that (as usual) her attempt to elaborate on any bit of her magic system explains nothing and trivialises any accomplishment her characters could otherwise have had. I mean, in the book Hermione’s purse comes across as a major accomplishment and we get the impression it took her some serious research to set it up; now we’re to learn all she had to do was say two words? (Well, of course all she had to do was point a stick and say words, because that’s the only way anything works in the Potterverse when Rowling provides details, but nothing else actually seems to work that way… to reprise an old complaint of mine) Of course it’s illegal Just Because, also; of all the things that the supposedly super-important secrecy act forbids, something as easily concealable as this is a high priority?
Somehow I doubt the Pottermore artists’ priorities are anywhere near ours, heh 😛 Nevertheless, maybe if we’re lucky one of our readers will have artistic tendencies and draw it for you? 😉
As for the Gryffindor sword business… wow, it’s really amazing how she can make it even worse than we’d have thought, isn’t it? So essentially, Godric Gryffindor was a selfish racist asshole, who thought it was so important he be able to “sportingly” fight Muggles (fairness is super-important so he mustn’t use a wand, but there’s nothing wrong with a magically-enhanced super sword!) that he very nearly started a war with yet another race? Well, I suppose that explains quite a few of the bullying tendencies Gryffindor house seems to look on so favourably… it all goes back to the very beginning.
This is the first we’ve heard of wands having that property, yes; previously I think the only thing she’d ever given it to was the sword (and possibly by extension goblin-made artefacts generally). It’s also a pretty nonsensical idea when you stop to think about it; what, exactly, does “imbibes that which strengthens it” mean? (The only example we have is the bloody basilisk venom, which only “strengthens” it by authorial fiat and is otherwise a corrosive substance…)
Spite. Right. Yes, Rowling, I agree there’s a lot of spite here, but I think the bit we need to talk about is that which you seem to hold toward your characters and your readers…
Alchemy. Right. You can’t just retcon things like that in, Rowling, these things matter! It’s not negligible that you wrote your foremost institution of magical learning (cough cough) neglecting what you’ve implied to be a serious and important area of study, and you can’t just weasel out of that now (and I especially don’t like the arbitrary shitting on Hermione’s character to do it).
Oh, of course they’d show that.
Why are we talking about “hatstalls” now (and why did there have to be a fucking term for that anyway)? And of course she has to have the hat overriding any agency Neville could have had, he’s not the protagonist so who gives a fuck? Don’t do this shit, Rowling. I’m not pleased with the Pettigrew thing either; must everyone villainous in the entire Potterverse be connected to Slytherin somehow?
I’m not sure what else to say about most of this… it’s honestly pretty dull, though that could just be because it’s more of the usual bullshit and I’m used to it all by now.
Yeah, that was honestly as far as we discussed it this time. Everything able to be commented on was just so vastly wrong there was no point in debating about it. I’ve no idea what’s going to happen on Pottermore now, they may keep adding random bits of bonus content as time goes by but it’s pretty clear that Rowling’s bored with the whole thing by now.