Pottermore: Twelve Days of Christmas/Half-Blood Prince

31 Dec

Happy New Year, folks, see you in 2015 for more of Philosopher’s Stone and other random stuff.


Pottermore Christmas, day one: first scene of Half-Blood Prince, surprisingly. I was expecting a much longer wait but I suppose they just want to race to the end now. I would guess the book will once again just be twelve scenes, hence this 12 Days of Christmas thing.

Anyway, Unbreakable Vow. I want Severus’ living room (no surprises there…) There’s allegedly some ‘extra content’ about Cokeworth, but once you unlock it and read it, it’s just a statement of what we already know. It’s fictional, it’s in the Midlands, it’s where Lily/Petunia/Severus grew up, it has a river and at least one factory, and Harry and company visited it at the start of the first book. ‘Tis not the season to be lazy, Rowling.


Back to Pottermore stuff… yay, more things to drive me nuts! Actually, this update sounds pretty content-free, at least in terms of things to get pissed (off) about. I’m sure I’ll manage to find something, though.

I don’t see much to remark on in the early stuff – I assume there aren’t any details about the Unbreakable Vow etc itself, just various details about scenery? Because of course that was the most important thing to comment on here, rather than the enormous plot hole that is Unbreakable Vows.


I know, I’m so good to you ๐Ÿ˜‰ Yeah, there’s nothing wrong with these early bits, they just aren’t detailed enough and they’re not including the actual interesting parts. It’s a painful contrast with how in-depth, albeit shite, the early ones were; one day I really will have to show you the site.

No, of course there weren’t any details about the Vow, don’t be silly. That’s something that actually needed explaining, so naturally there was nothing beyond a picture.

Pottermore Christmas, day two: next scene of HBP. Why did it have to be set in the Terrible Twins’ House of Torture? At least the bonus content isn’t actually about their stupid shop. Oh, but of course you can collect a love potion. Ugh.

Bonus content #1, the Leaky Cauldron, which is the oldest pub in London no matter what the silly Muggles think and is so old it predates the actual road it’s on. Well, gosh, it’s lucky they just so happen to have chosen a spot to build it that would end up someday being on a Muggle road then, isn’t it. It used to be visible to Muggles and they were allowed to go in and have a drink without anything terrible happening, which is surprising. The Minister when the Statute of Secrecy came out let the pub stay open as long as they hid it, and in his honour they created a beer named after him that’s so disgusting nobody’s ever finished a pint of it despite there being a hundred Galleon prize if you do. Oh, wait, that’s why the pub just happens to line up perfectly with the street… local wizards ambushed the Muggle planners and performed lots of Memory Charms and probably the Imperius (though obviously that’s never been proved) to make sure. Typical. Just when I was prepared to accept this as a semi-decent piece of worldbuilding. And Rowling picked Charing Cross Road because she likes the bookshops there, which isn’t the worst reason I suppose.

#2, Florian Fortescue, star of my favourite crack theory ๐Ÿ˜› Ha! I was right, he WAS supposed to be plot-significant! He’s the descendant of a former Headmaster and he was going to give out various clues and hints about the Hallows throughout the series before being kidnapped in the last book and needing to be rescued by the Trio, but when Rowling got there she replaced his role with Phineas’ portrait and the Grey Lady and just killed Fortescue for no reason. Apparently she feels guilty about this. I’m not sure why she decided to just not do it, then, but we know she can’t understand the concept of going back and altering things before publication.


Well, that’s pretty typical – we all know that Rowling and the fans love the twins’ antics (personally, I love your name for their establishment :P). The love potion thing is just typical, though; is anyone connected to this series ever going to realise that there’s nothing humourous about them? As for the Leaky Cauldron stuff, I completely agree with you – this sounds entirely typical of Potterverse wizards’ and Rowling’s superiority complexes (seriously, wizards invented fucking PUBS too?). I’m not sure what to do with the rest of the history stuff – more wizards being terrible and mooching from Muggles, as per usual, but the beer thing is just completely incomprehensible. I think she’s trying to be funny again.

LOL. Fortescue. (We might need to explain the Fortescue theories for our audience, now that we’re publishing these exchanges; on the other hand, might it be funnier not to and have people making conspiracy theories about our conspiracy theories?) So it sounds like she was trying to foreshadow something, then decided to scrap it (and/or forgot to use it?)… not that that’s the worst thing in the world, but I’m not sure why she “feels guilty” – does she think her characters are actual people, and that when she kills someone off she’s actually committing murder? (Then again, I may not want to be too hard on her about this, because truthfully I could understand feeling guilty about spontaneously killing off characters, etc, people do get emotional about writing. It just sounds weird the way you’ve described it.)


Well, we’re proof that some fans are capable of realising that love potions are terrible, and most of my fic readers agree. As for anyone official acknowledging it…. nope. And lol yes, wizards invented pubs, though given that there only seems to be one in the whole of Diagon Alley (not counting Knockturn, I’m sure they’ve got a few) and only one respectable one in Hogsmeade, they don’t drink enough to need the honour.

I was planning to explain Chekhov’s Ice Cream when he first shows up in the books. I have a vague memory of Harry getting an ice cream in the first one, possibly, but Fortescue himself isn’t named until PoA I think. Until then everyone can wonder what my diseased brain came up with ๐Ÿ˜› He’s described as a ghost plot, so she was foreshadowing something she then decided not to use. Red Herring is a terrible idea for an ice cream flavour. It tastes of disappointment. And I don’t know about the guilt thing, she said something along the lines of Voldy killed lots of people for no reason but Fortescue’s the only one she feels guilty about, whatever that means.

Day Three, moment three. Felix Felicis, aka Harry’s life support system. Slughorn’s art looks alarmingly like Varys…

#1, Potions. I hope this is worth it. Let’s see. No, Muggles can’t make potions. Some potions duplicate spells, and wizards do whichever one they find easiest; some are unique. It usually takes a Potions expert to undo a potion’s effects (score one for my fanon of Snape occasionally being a very reluctant Infirmary assistant). Potions carries mystique and therefore status, plus the edge of Dark Arts association from handling dangerous things. Snape, as a ‘brooding, slow-burning personality‘ (the nicest description he’s ever had; Rowling must be ill) conforms perfectly to the stereotype of a Potions expert. Big surprise, Rowling’s least-favourite subject was Chemistry, hence her decision that Snape should teach the wizarding equivalent (he’s apparently Harry’s arch-enemy, so she recovered very quickly from her momentary lapse; I wonder what that makes Voldy?) and all the potions in the series are based on existing historical substances/remedies/alchemical theories.

So… not really worth it. Typical. But at least Potions got more coverage than Occlumency.

#2, Cauldrons. Nothing we didn’t already know, except that Rowling thought about making the Hufflepuff Horcrux a cauldron before deciding that was too implausible.


The Potions stuff… well, nice that she’s covered it, but all she’s doing is giving more non-explanations of things like she always does. (Also, Snape is Harry’s arch-enemy? Seriously?!)


Yes, seriously. Saving someone’s life repeatedly despite them acting like a little shit who frankly deserves a slow death makes you their arch-enemy. Over and above the person actually trying to kill them. Obviously. Rowling’s world must be a very scary place.

Day four, Katie Bell is Cursed. Very dramatic looking and snowy, and a non-Wilhelm scream that someone had way too much fun recording, but no new info.

Day five, The Orphanage. No new info, no collectables, just an image of Tom Riddle dumping his box of stolen junk on his bed watched by Dumbles wearing an extremely tragic outfit. Interestingly some of these new moments have angry comments from people feeling cheated, lol.

Day six, Slughorn’s Party. Ear-bleedingly loud music. New content on vampires, let’s see… JK had the sense not to do much with them since they’ve been done to death, though in her very first notes there was apparently a scribble for a vampire teacher, subject unknown. And she feels the need to tell us that Snape is not a vampire despite all the rumours. Er, Rowling, I’m certain the ‘rumours’ only exist in canon, I don’t think many people ever actually thought he was, and I’m pretty sure everyone figured it out half way through the first book when he shows up at the Quidditch match in broad daylight…

That was it. Facepalm.


I really don’t know what to do with her ‘debunking’ the Snape-is-a-vampire ‘rumours’. I don’t think anyone took it seriously either (I’ll admit I have encountered a few weird fanfics that played around with the premise, but I never got the impression the authors thought he actually was in canon :P). Is Rowling not able to distinguish things in the Potterverse from reality any more? I’m not sure whether that would help explain some of her bizarre attitudes or not…


Day seven, Splinched. Apparating lessons. No new info.

Day eight, Hepzibah Smith. No new info. Not even any silly collectables, literally nothing. More angry comments.

Day nine, Room of Hidden Things. No new info.

Day ten, Inside The Cave. New content – Inferi. They work exactly the same as voodoo zombies in every story ever – human corpses, complicated magic animates them, they have no will of their own, can be enchanted to do various things mostly involving murder. Most of these ones are homeless Muggles Voldy killed for the purpose back in the first war, some are witches/wizards who vanished. And Rowling didn’t want to call them ‘zombies’ because reasons, pretty much. Snore. Two more scenes to go, supposedly…


It still bugs me that she calls them ‘Inferi’ and not ‘Inferii’ – if the singular is ‘Inferius’ then she’s buggered up her Latinate plurals (see, e.g. denarius – denarii). Other than that I can’t really find much to comment on there, they’re basically zombies but she decided that ‘zombie’ didn’t sound cool enough, essentially? (Weird how that never seemed to matter with the rest of the fantasy creatures she borrowed whole cloth from mainstream culture. Not that I mind the borrowing, necessarily, it’s probably a big part of the books’ appeal and it’s almost required for fantasy writing…)


Day eleven, Avada Kedavra. Beautiful art of Dumbles flying backwards off the tower, I’m enjoying it a little too much ๐Ÿ˜› Bonus content about Draco, let’s see how bad this is.

There’s actually nothing new here, although she rambles for quite a long while. This part made me laugh though:

“I pity Draco, just as I feel sorry for Dudley.”



When you feel sorry for someone, you don’t actually treat them like shit and have everyone around them insult them all the time.

Just saying.

Anyway, her editor questioned Draco being suddenly so good at Occlumency, and her reasoning is that Harry never managed it because of his great humanity so obviously Draco would have no problem shutting himself down, because “the denial of pain and the suppression of inner conflict can only lead to a damaged person (who is much more likely to inflict damage on other people)“. Because Harry never caused any damage at all by yelling abuse at his friends all the time, of course, and everyone in this series who hides their emotions goes on to be a bad guy – actually that last part is mostly true, sadly. So much fail.

And it ends with more stuff about how she can’t believe so many girls like Draco and how she has to crush all their dreams by telling them that no he really is just a nasty one-dimensional asshole with no redeeming qualities because she can’t write nuanced characters. (She exclusively talks about girls romanticising anti-heroes here. Gay people really don’t exist in her world and it’s impossible to like characters unless you fancy them, apparently.) She then immediately contradicts herself by saying that the unicorn hair in his wand was symbolic of the hidden goodness in him. Facepalm.


She feels sorry for Draco and Dudley? Seriously? SHOW, DON’T TELL, ROWLING. Oh, and of course Occlumency apparently makes you evil, or else you have to be evil to learn it. Lovely. (Though I don’t necessarily disagree that bottling up one’s emotions is unhealthy and can make a person more volatile; that does happen. And there’s a difference between “not hiding your emotions all the time” and being, e.g., Capslock!Harry.)

As for her comments on ‘girls’ romanticising Draco, ugh. (I’m so glad you commented on the heteronormativity of her approach to that, I’m not sure I’d have picked up on it otherwise and it’s a really good point – even disregarding the fact that most people who like a character probably aren’t doing so out of sexual fascination.) Seeing her contradict herself so quickly is amusing though, especially right after being so bloody sanctimonious and preachy ๐Ÿ˜› Get off your high horse, woman, nobody wants to nail you to it. (Is mixing metaphors still funny?)


On the last day of Christmas my true love gave to me… The Funeral. Very festive, I’m sure you’ll agree. Two of the collectables are Potions ingredients used for Healing and the Draught of Living Death respectively, which amuses me somewhat. Less amused that Madam Maxime is perched on two chairs because God forbid she could have Transfigured herself an actual seat.

Final bonus content, the Order of Merlin. It’s awarded by the Wizengamot, which we know predates the Ministry and is apparently a cross between court and Parliament. First Class is on a green ribbon because Merlin was a Slytherin, I’m surprised she repeated that; it says it in the Slytherin common room but nowhere on the rest of the site until now, and is awarded for ‘acts of outstanding bravery or distinction‘. Second class is on a purple ribbon because reasons, and is awarded for ‘achievement or endeavour beyond the ordinary’. Third class is on a white ribbon because reasons and is awarded to ‘those who have made a contribution to our store of knowledge or entertainment‘, which just sounds like you should be embarrassed to get one, frankly. Ministry favourites usually get them, Fudge awarded one to himself (though this shouldn’t have been possible since Dumbles was head of the Wizengamot…) and Sirius’ grandfather Arcturus bribed them into giving him one.

Not all that interesting, honestly, but it could have been a lot worse.


I know you’re just quoting the song, but seriously, my first reaction there was “what am I then, chopped liver?” ๐Ÿ˜‰

They seriously had Maxime sitting on two chairs? Bloody hell. I’m not sure how outraged to get, but I’m seriously reading a lot of fatphobia in that (I’m reminded of all sorts of conversations that used to happen around people trying to force fat people to purchase extra seats on aeroplanes, etc… is it just me?), even disregarding the fact that transfiguration exists in-universe.

So the criteria for earning the Order of Merlin are completely vague. Typical. Not that that’s necessarily unrealistic… but do you notice how she stuck ‘bravery’ in there on the top award yet again? Even in an award ostensibly set up by a Slytherin and which explicitly acknowledges that, it’s still organised according to Gryffindor values. Rowling, your bias is showing. (Thinking about this, it’s kind of funny how I find myself always giving the side-eye to the word ‘bravery’ now; I don’t necessarily think there’s anything wrong with the idea, but Rowling’s fetishisation of it makes me second-guess it every time it appears now…)


Posted by on December 31, 2014 in loten, mitchell


Tags: , , , , , , ,

12 responses to “Pottermore: Twelve Days of Christmas/Half-Blood Prince

  1. Paddfoot

    January 1, 2015 at 6:15 am

    I got the email alert for this, and just completely ignored it. I figured your summary would be far better than what JK Rowling actually gave to the fans, and I was right.

    I can understand why fans would be irriated at the lack of content and explanations. The website was supposed to answer the un-answered questions, but the stuff she has been giving could have easily been found on the HP-Lexicon, or googling some of her old interviews. The website is a joke.

    Alot of people speculated about Fortescue, including myself. In PoA, when he would give Harry free ice cream, and help him with his History of Magic homework, I wondered what his role in the future books would be. One of the things I speculated on is if he would somehow become a teacher at Hogwarts.

    Binns was awful (he wasn’t the only one, do not even get me started on the Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers), and without a good history teacher, how can one hope to prevent the same things from occurring again with another Dark Lord? I mistakenly thought the education standards would get better with the progression of the books. After all they were supposed to be learning more advanced things. As the books were getting darker, you would think the history they learn would be as well. But seems all the History of Magic classes covered were goblin rebellions and giant wars. Which are probably important, but they also needed to learn more about Grindlewald, about the first war with Voldemort. From how it sounds, it repeated itself with the second Voldemort war, but who could really say? Oh I know, the freaking History of Magic teacher! You only ever get snippets about the first war from characters who survived it.

    Sorry for my history rant, I’m just passionate about history. I had a world history teacher who every Friday would do current events so that we could see that history was happening everyday. To bad Hogwarts didn’t have a history teacher like I had.

    It doesn’t suprise me there is more muggle bashing in the updates. “Oh by the way, you like pubs, well guess what! Wizards invented them! Take that!” I’m beginning to think JK Rowling believes herself to be within that reality sometimes. Perhaps the Rita Skeeter conspiracy theory has taken root in her brain.

    I find myself asking: How were these books so successful? She is so mean to anyone who is different.

    I had not noticed Merlin was a Slytherin. Man, Hogwarts educational standards were exceptionally high back in his day. Just goes to show Umbridge was right about the falling standards of education in Hogwarts. They just didn’t want to hear the truth, which seems to be a common thing amongst witches and wizards. Especially when it comes to the “great” Dumbledore, who is no Merlin, even though he is supposed to be molded after him.

    Which speaking of him, I might have to go check out the website just to watch Dumbledore falling from the tower. I admit at first I didn’t mind him as a character, but by the end of the first book, I just felt bad for the other three houses at Hogwarts. Dumbledore didn’t care and showed his true colors.

    The Order of Merlin award meaning has probably been relegated to how she defines it. I would hope its creater, Merlin held his badges to a better standard. At least I hope so.

    • Loten

      January 1, 2015 at 10:42 am

      At some point I really should go back and do the first two books, they were far more in-depth and had some actual extra content that wasn’t a rehash of crap she’s already said elsewhere. Still deeply flawed, contradictory, anti-Muggle, anti-Slytherin and all around ridiculous, mostly, but there was a lot more meat to them.

      Absolutely agreed about the lack of a history teacher, of course. That’s one of the main plot points in one of my fics, after all. And sadly the only reason for it is that Rowling couldn’t be arsed to figure stuff like that out. Though to be fair it’s a sadly realistic depiction of most history education these days, I went to an allegedly very good school and the highlight of my years of history lessons was discovering that one of the history teachers was having an affair with one of the art teachers. The actual lessons were very lacking and my knowledge and interest in the subject is entirely my own reading.

      The original Order of Merlin wasn’t an award at all, it was a group headed by Merlin dedicated to Muggle rights. I think Rowling was trying to be ironic and present yet another fuck-you to the Slytherins, but it just made me wish we could hear more about it because that sounds interesting. Which means it will never be mentioned again, of course.

  2. janach

    January 1, 2015 at 7:45 am

    One does wonder how Merlin could have belonged to Slytherin House when he lived five hundred years before Hogwarts was founded. If you like JKR’s understanding of mathematics, you’ll love her grasp of history.

    • Loten

      January 1, 2015 at 10:44 am

      I vaguely remember there being an attempt to explain that somewhere, but it boiled down to ‘well the Merlin of legend isn’t the same as the real Merlin in my particular magical world so the dates don’t have to match up’. As for the dates in-universe contradicting themselves, that was ignored. But we’ve already seen in Philosopher’s Stone that she can’t even look up old calendars from a couple of decades ago, so expecting any kind of grasp of which order centuries happen in is clearly asking too much.

      She might hate her teachers a bit less had she ever allowed any of them to teach her anything.

      • janach

        January 1, 2015 at 5:42 pm

        I would make more sense to say that Merlin was claimed retro-actively by Slytherin House, and it became a Slytherin tradition: “If Merlin were alive today, he would be one of us.” I couldn’t argue with that. Slytherin is the House of politicians, and I do not mean that as a dirty word. Franklin Roosevelt would have been a Slytherin.

      • Kahran042

        July 1, 2017 at 1:55 pm

        Isn’t there also some sort of lore that Merlin ages backwards? That could have something to do with it.

  3. Alanis

    January 1, 2015 at 12:28 pm

    Well there was one good thing about this event. I finally figured out how to use Pottermore on my iPad. I just drag my finger in a pattern up and down covering the whole screen and I fill up the bar at the bottom. Most of the time I have no idea what I’m picking up but it works to fill up the bar.

    There’s no question that the school is comically badly managed, but I can cope with that as a vehicle for the story. The issue I have is that Dumbledore who allows all kinds of inappropriate behaviours is considered a good guy. Really, just the case of Luna’s bullying is absolutely inexcusable.

    • Loten

      January 2, 2015 at 9:31 am

      We’re going to have a LOT to say in the main spork about dear old Dumbles and most of the other good guys, don’t worry, but frankly all the Hogwarts teachers fail at humanity on multiple occasions.

  4. sellmaeth

    January 1, 2015 at 4:58 pm

    “And it ends with more stuff about how she canโ€™t believe so many girls like Draco and how she has to crush all their dreams by telling them that no he really is just a nasty one-dimensional asshole with no redeeming qualities because she canโ€™t write nuanced characters. (She exclusively talks about girls romanticising anti-heroes here. Gay people really donโ€™t exist in her world and itโ€™s impossible to like characters unless you fancy them, apparently.)”

    I don’t know … girls ARE way more groomed into liking “bad boys” than gay boys are … no idea whether some gay boys get the intended-for-girls propaganda of “if he’s mean to you that’s because he likes you” by accident. So maybe that was intentional? But I admit it is way more likely she just didn’t think about it.

    @Alanis: True, but the bullying can be just as bad in real-life schools. It is things like Peeves and other safety risks, such as detention in the Forbidden Forest, etc, that differentiate Hogwarts from an average muggle school.

  5. SoxyOutfoxing

    January 4, 2015 at 6:50 am

    I think I know why she’s so surprised at people liking Draco, and it comes down to Draco utterly failing at what he’s supposed to be. He’s meant to be Harry’s rival, but there is literally no area where he is portrayed being better than Harry. Draco isn’t more popular, he isn’t a teacher’s pet to anyone other than Snape, he’s in the most loathed house, he’s rich but it isn’t as if Harry is poor, he’s not shown to be particularly clever, he’s never described as good-looking, the narrative treats his two friends more like his henchmen, he isn’t better at quidditch, Harry gets a lot more favouritism than he ever does, and he’s shown time and time again to be a whiny coward, with no redeeming qualities beyond a reluctance in the end to do actual serious harm. Basically, the only thing he has on Harry is having parents, and a lot of other people around Harry happen to have parents too, including his best friends. (Considering a war was supposed to be going on around Harry’s birth you’d think he’d’ve meet a few more orphans than just Neville. Even Luna’s dead mother didn’t die of Voldemort. Were there any other kids who’d lost parents to V or the Death Eaters?) Draco should also have an advantage over Harry in knowledge of the wizarding world, but Harry seems to get over any insecurity about that by about the second book so so much for that.

    Rowling wrote Harry a rival that cannot possibly stand up to him in anyway whatsoever, and that just doesn’t work. It’s a complete failure of the trope. And so Rowling’s fans, who are always willing to do the heavy lifting on her behalf, created a much better version of the character, one who was hot and had superior social skills/wizarding knowledge. One who was good at magic and had semi-justifiable objections to muggleborns along the lines of ‘they don’t respect our traditions or way of life’ rather than ‘I’m racist because my father is racist.’ One who could serve up decent snark, and who Harry could conceivably feel inferior to. They then decided they liked this character because after all, he was pretty cool, and so JK is tearing her hair out going ‘But I made him terrible in all ways, look on the page, he is just awful, why do you like him?’

    And her fans are going ‘But he has all these interesting nuances that we made up and so we empathise when he’s stuck in these awful situations you put him into’ and she’s going ‘All girls want bad boys, it’s sick, they’re sick, you write about a one-dimensional whiny cowardly bigot and put him in an archetypal role he’s absolutely unfit for and suddenly everyone wants to bang him what is wrong with exclusively the girl segment of humanity.’

    • Loten

      January 4, 2015 at 12:23 pm

      Well, yes, but it’s more a Harry-failure than a Draco-failure. Draco has everything he needs to be the perfect rival archetype, but Rowling gave her pet Sue the same advantages only better. If Harry had stayed the lonely poor outcast we were meant to believe he was, it would have worked.

      As for lots of people around Harry having parents, it’s entirely possible they don’t, actually. We don’t hear about most non-main-character parents, really, beyond blood status; kids like the Patils, Lavender, Cedric, Cho, the non-Death Eater Slytherins etc could well be orphans, but Harry never cares enough to ask. None of the older generation seem to have surviving parents despite the increased life expectancy, so presumably a lot of them were orphaned in the first war. Of course, the narrative ladles on the pity for Harry and treats him as though he is the only war orphan, so maybe not.

      And yes, Mitchell and I have long theorised that much of Harry Potter’s appeal is that the sheer lack of details and explanation make it a brilliant foundation for the reader’s own headcanon. You can make almost every character into whatever you want them to be without contradicting canon very much, if at all, so you can make the books into books you want to read without realising that the author didn’t do it.

    • janach

      January 6, 2015 at 11:57 am

      Even Draco’s reluctance to cause serious harm is depicted as a sign of cowardice and weakness rather than of moral compunction. Harry, on the other hand, is “brave” and “strong” enough to be able to perform two out of three Unforgivables, and the two most morally reprehensible to boot. See how strong and noble our hero is? He can torture you and rob you of your free will, but he won’t kill you painlessly even in battle.

      Some hero! Harry doesn’t have the balls to take moral responsibility for killing a designated villain who has no redeeming characteristics whatsoever, but has to let it happen by accident.


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