Pottermore bonus content: Celestina Warbeck.

28 Aug


And now, for absolutely no reason, some Pottermore bonus content about Celestina Warbeck. Who literally nobody cares about. Who isn’t a character and never appears onscreen. Even Rowling admits this, calling her her favourite offscreen character. She’s not a character, she’s a name.

Anyway, let’s see what we’ve got here. She’s a Gryffindor (naturally) half-blood. Her Muggle mother was a failed actress who constantly wrote to Hogwarts demanding that they set up drama/music/dance clubs for her so-talented amazing daughter, since there’s no wizarding stage school. She has a chorus of banshees as backing singers, which… I don’t even know. Banshees don’t sing, Rowling. They scream. Even your banshees scream. Plus you state here that your pointless Sue singer has such an amazing voice it can overcome banshees, so her backing singers can’t be heard and are thus pointless. She’s been married three times and has a son.

Her fans get into collisions trying to get to her concerts for some unknown reason… tickets to her concerts show up on the black market for extortionate prices so Molly Weasley has never seen her live, which implies either the Weasleys are too stupid to buy tickets as soon as they go on sale or there’s actually no legit means of getting them and it’s some sort of scam.

She’s recorded a charity single of a Quidditch anthem to raise money for St Mungo’s. I’m not convinced this is even possible in the wizarding world. Lupin owned a gramophone, in the movie at least though I forget about the book, but everyone else just has radios or listens to live performances. I’m pretty sure wizards would have no idea how to record music anyway.

There’s also a music clip, apparently they have a singer performing at Wizarding World in Orlando every day, which is kind of a nice touch actually – and she sounds really good, even though the song is TERRIBLE. (Well, that’s a bit harsh. It’s kind of amusing in a cheesy way. I’ve heard far worse.)

JK reiterates that she’s a favourite – no kidding; she’s got more backstory than half the characters who actually appear and take part in the plot – and that she’s apparently based on Shirley Bassey and named after someone JK used to work with. All very nice, I’m just not sure why we’re meant to care. I’d much rather hear about characters who were part of the story.



That’s an interesting choice, I suppose. I almost think I should care about this, just because I’ve ranted about the absurdity of the wizarding world apparently only having a single singer… most of this is just random boring nonsense, though. I don’t begrudge Rowling making detailed profiles of characters who don’t end up in the actual text (that’s a thing actual good authors do sometimes, as part of worldbuilding) but this seems like a weird choice and given the emphasis on what a favourite she is probably means Rowling didn’t bother with the others.

I’ve no idea what to say about the banshees. I can’t recall if it’s ever been established what properties banshees have in the Potterverse (ugh, I’m probably going to have to dig out that awful Fantastic Beasts not-book-thing), but don’t their screams normally kill you? That doesn’t sound like a good starting point, honestly.

And once again we have a serious demographics fail, I think – seriously, how is the wizarding world big enough to have there be enough fans that there’s competition over who gets tickets and they reach exorbitant black market prices? (As you say, the best explanation would seem to be that it’s a kind of scam…) Unless Warbeck doesn’t do concerts often at all; if it’s something like once every couple of years, maybe you could make the numbers work out…



Yeah, I have no real idea either, lol. Good point that a lot of authors do develop side characters who may never feature, and there was an article I read somewhere once implying she had named all of Harry’s year beyond the few kids we saw and stuff like that, but still.

I don’t remember either, but I’m pretty sure they do – I think someone, maybe Seamus, had a banshee for a Boggart in that one lesson in third year and the only way to render it harmless was to make it lose its voice as soon as it started screaming, but whatever. Even the ones that don’t kill you probably don’t sound very musical 😛

The numbers might work for the same reason the Quidditch-fan numbers sort of do, I suppose – if there’s only one singer, everyone’s a fan of her by default, same as there’s only one sport. Wait, no, there’s at least one band as well, isn’t there, Weird Sisters or whoever. Okay, nope, no idea. 😛

So remember how I said when we’d caught up with Pottermore we’d be doing something else? Details will go up tomorrow.


1 Comment

Posted by on August 28, 2014 in loten, mitchell


Tags: , , , , ,

One response to “Pottermore bonus content: Celestina Warbeck.

  1. janach

    August 30, 2014 at 1:53 am

    A banshee’s cry doesn’t kill, it merely portends death. A banshee is a ‘bean-sidhe’ or woman-fairy, who foresees death and mourns it in advance with her wailing. (A man-fairy is a ‘fer-side,’ pronounced “far-shee”)

    A Potterverse bansee might well be a hideous and terrifying magical creature whose scream kills you, but traditionally one is afraid, not of the banshee herself, but of what the banshee’s wail foretells.


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