Another short one this week, I’m on vacation.
Present for you, for some reason some more bonus content’s shown up on Pottermore, way back in Chamber of Secrets – more crap about Lockhart.
Witch mother, Muggle father, two older non-magical sisters – instant mummy’s boy (once again JK ignores the interesting part of the story; what were his sisters like? What happened to them?). He and Mummy always thought he was the best, he was surprised when he got to Hogwarts to find out that actually all the others were pretty good at magic too. Supposedly has above-average intelligence (read: Harry Sue is even specialer by comparison for ‘defeating’ him later) but never liked not being top in everything, started cheating etc. to get more status, obsessed with attention – carved his signature into the Quidditch pitch, sent himself eight hundred Valentines, etc. Graduated and started conning and cheating his way to fame, gradually lost most of his magical abilities because all he ever used was Memory Charms, was eventually lured back to teach because omg Harry Potter!!111!
The real gem in this update? APPARENTLY DUMBLEDORE KNEW ALL ALONG AND DELIBERATELY HIRED HIM IN ORDER TO EXPOSE HIM. I’m laughing pretty hard right now. That’s Saint fucking Dumbles for you. He’s completely useless, can’t teach the children anything and will repeatedly endanger and even temporarily maim them, let’s hire him so we can look amazing and special afterwards. I don’t know which is worse, that he did know all along and went ahead anyway, or that JK’s talking crap and he had no idea but because he gives no fucks about the school just hired the only non-Snape applicant and then claimed credit afterwards.
WHAT THE FUCK? I don’t even. (“Above-average intelligence”? Rowling sure thinks well of most people, doesn’t she? Bloody hell. No wonder she’s not worried about inconsistencies in her books, if she thinks Lockhart is smarter than half her audience) Also, it’s possible to “gradually lose your magical abilities” by not exercising them? First we’ve ever heard of that in this universe, isn’t it?
Wow. Dumbledore works in mysterious ways yet again, isn’t it? Does Rowling have any idea what kind of monster this makes him? “The greatest headmaster Hogwarts has ever known?” What on earth did all the others do then, Rowling, to make them worse than him? I honestly don’t think I want to know.